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This audio clip is a continuation from my E1 ‘blogism’ podcast pilot, where I talk about my work, music, the arts, and things that generally inspire me and fuel my creative desires. In this episode, I take around 120 seconds to talk about a rising UK artist called ‘Feng’, starting off with a similar 10 second verbal intro to my last episode. I talk about Feng’s rapid growth as an artist and into the UK rap scene. I then showcase a segment of his work – a song by him called ‘Who do u wanna be’, and then analyse what differs him as an artist both in his lyrical content, and production choices.
I used Logic Pro X to edit this podcast episode, where I took the instrumental of the song and played around with the Cutoff features in order to make space for my dialog. I then had a section a minute into the episode where I let the actual song play for 20 seconds, and then went back to dialog.
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In my Element 1 assignment, I created a basic storyboard of how I wanted the film to play out, and I pointed out that it would be a simple and positive montage-style video. I find this video quite personal to me since it displays a day in my life as an aspiring music producer from London. The shots consist of me travelling through the city, meeting my group of music friends at the studio and then to the venue, and having a good time after a successful show. The shots in the video align rhythmically with the music.
I kept the aspect ratio to 4:3 and stretched out the videos to fill out the frame, whilst also adding a Comic Sans text with a cheesy transition that reads out @turnupthedecibels – the name of my group of music friends. I went ahead with these weird deliberations in this video as I aimed to achieve a 2010’s Internet-style aesthetic, sort of what you would come across on early YouTube. The instrumental in the background, produced by myself, also matches the theme I was going for, with it sounding reminiscent of the type of music that was popular back in that time.
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The Noise of Imposter Syndrome
Jay lies down on the desk while the studio speakers vibrate through his hair, his head being just a few centimetres away from his laptop screen. With an underwhelmed look on his face, it appears nothing can scratch the itch in his brain the way he wants it to, not even the music. He struggles to keep his eyes open, despite the glaring fluorescent lights and the booming bass.
Beside him sits Tyler, who is starting to grow concerned. He takes one questionable look at him, stands up, moves Jay’s head out of the laptop’s way and hits pause.
“I get you, Jay. I do. This whole music thing is honestly a lot. But trust me, you’re not alone, man.” Jay says nothing but is visibly struggling with regaining consciousness from nearly dozing off. “You’re feeling like you’re not good enough Jay, isn’t it?”
Jay looks up to Tyler from his seat. “Tyler, listen to me. No matter what I try to make,” he utters, rubbing his red and tired eyes, “One day they’re gonna realise I’m just faking it. I feel like a fraud.” The music duo takes a deep sigh in unison, followed by a deep silence. The studio room is the quietest it’s ever been.
“Don’t you ever feel like it happened too fast? The label deal proposals, the demands from everyone – and the fans! I feel like it’s just hype, I’m tired of feeling like everything is going so fast! I just want it to be like the old days,” cries Jay, as he regains his breath.
Tyler grips on his water bottle in an agitated manner, his frustration morphing into sympathy. “Jay, if I’m being so real with you, you’re one of the most skilled and talented people I’ve met. Ever. Do you really think all these people would give a toss about your work if you weren’t?”
Jay anxiously shakes and his voice trembles. “Some days I don’t even know how I’m gonna be able to keep up with this feeling. I feel like I’m just… not enough!”
Tyler places his hand on Jay’s shoulder, his voice softens but is still very much firm. “Stop comparing yourself to this impossible standard! You’re you, Jay. No artist on this planet is any superior to one another. And at the end of the day, people love our music because we’re ourselves. Ourselves. It’s real.”
Jay looks up to Tyler, his weary eyes searching for any form of reassurance. “I don’t even think I can do this anymore. I have so much shit to do, Tyler, and that’s not even including the music shit. We literally have an album due in a month. I don’t know what to do at all… and I just don’t want to let you down, nor the label, nor the fans.” He looks visibly exhausted, as if he were jet-lagged.
“Then we should pause for a moment, Jay. We take a few steps back, for just a second. But we’ve built a real thing out here in the world, you know? The last thing we should do is give up,” Tyler determines, squeezing Jay’s shoulder. “We’ll get through this together, man. But you gotta take care of yourself. If you’re not okay, then the music won’t be.”
Jay lets off a light smile. “I appreciate you, bro. I honestly don’t know how I could have gone through this on my own.” Tyler jokingly replies “You’d probably lose your marbles, man. But let’s take it step by step – no need to rush at all. Just like it used to be.”
They sit in silence for a moment, and the duo starts to feel a sense of relief. The tension in Jay’s body eases as the weight of it all slowly starts to lift off. He hits play on the track, but this time it’s different. As the sound waves fill the room, Jay lets off a genuine smile and feels like he could breathe clearly for the first time in ages. The studio feels alive again, and what he’s hearing isn’t just noise, it’s theirs. It’s his.
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This story introduces two characters – Jay and Tyler – a duo that area creating music in a studio. I find this writing quite important for me, as when I was building the story, I was able to put myself in the shoes of both of these characters. Jay struggles heavily from imposter syndrome, and is easily susceptible to falling into a trap of misery inflicted by his complex insecurities. As talented as he is, he struggles to keep a clear mind on things. Tyler, on the other hand, is a lot more grounded as a person and is quite emotionally intelligent. As he is Jay’s best friend and music partner, his goal in the story is to build him up again from the crisis he is having. I aim for the story to show the reader both perspectives, and that they are never alone in the struggle of self-confidence.
I’m not able to exactly gather what content I’ve consumed that inspired me to write this. Rather, I’d say that what I wrote came from how I really feel as an artist.
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For my first image, I made this with my forthcoming album ‘Limbo’s Reject’ in mind. It portrays a feeling of disorientation, from the writing to the CC Glass and Blur effects I’ve applied to the whole image. As simple as the setting is, I set the effects to make the image quite uneasy to look at for a long while.
For my second image, I’ve made an event poster for a hypothetical listening party for my project ‘Limbo’s Reject’. I layered some sketches, and kept a very state blue theme, and added a grain to all of the text seen to texturise the poster. I also wrote some supporting acts, the location, and the requirements for entry.
For my third image, I’ve made another hypothetical event poster similar to the last one, but also quite different in aesthetic. Like my video for this project, I decided to go for a 2010’s Internet-style with the choice of the Impact font. I also set a deep saturation for the images and experimented with Blend Modes to achieve a burnt look, which aligns with the theme of our music. My inspiration for this is the poster for the Fakemink headline show that Borough hosted.
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